We don’t agree with all the Velominati rules…

…but we did slog through all 95 (!) of them and endorse several. Herewith, a few of our favorites:

Rule #11//
Family does not come first. The bike does.
Sean Kelly, being interviewed after the ’84 Amstel Gold Race, spots his wife leaning against his Citroën AX. He interrupts the interview to tell her to get off the paintwork, to which she shrugs, “In your life the car comes first, then the bike, then me.” Instinctively, he snaps back, “You got the order wrong. The bike comes first.”

picture-25

Rule #12//
The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned. This equation may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner.

TerminautLivingRoom (1)

Rule #26//
Make your bike photogenic.
When photographing your bike, gussy her up properly for the camera. Some parameters are firm: valve stems at 6 o’clock. Cranks never at 90 or 180 degrees. Others are at your discretion, though the accepted practices include putting the chain on the big dog, and no bidons in the cages.

fixie-friday-cinelli-super-corsa

Rule #42//
A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
If it’s preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run, it is not called a bike race, it is called duathlon or a triathlon. Neither of which is a bike race. Also keep in mind that one should only swim in order to prevent drowning, and should only run if being chased. And even then, one should only run fast enough to prevent capture.

dtc-fail-wetsuit

Rule #47//
Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples.
Cycling and beer are so intertwined we may never understand the full relationship. Beer is a recovery drink, an elixir for post-ride trash talking and a just plain excellent thing to pour down the neck. We train to drink so don’t fool around. Drink quality beer from real breweries. If it is brewed with rice instead of malted barley or requires a lime, you are off the path. Know your bittering units like you know your gear length. Life is short, don’t waste it on piss beer.

20110409-146480-Homebrewing-Belgian-Tripel

Rule #64//
Cornering confidence increases with time and experience.
This pattern continues until it falls sharply and suddenly.

View the rest here.

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